A Master Class in Cooking on Gas

Because Cherries.

There are several, perhaps even many problems with cooking on gas. For a start, it tends to catch fire. This is, of course, the idea behind using it in the first place, but it does make people rather wary of the stuff. Not only does it gleefully ignite, it can also lead to carbon monoxide poisoning if used improperly and large, colourful explosions when things go horribly wrong. I suppose, given how few elements of day to day life explode, we are right to be a little cautious with this one. This caution is, like so many others, is reflected in government policy and legislation. In the same way that one ungainly human falling down the stairs in an office can lead to a no flip-flop policy, so too will just a few minor explosions lead to the Gas Safe Check.

This annual check is to establish how dangerous our dear catering van could be if he set his mind to it, although anyone that knows him would tell you he’s a kitten as long as he gets a run around the block once a week. Sadly the gas safe check did not see him in quite the same way. As the Arbitrators of Gas Safe inspected his piping, with Barny watching like a nervous relative, there was some discussion, and the occasional burst of laughter. He asked them for the prognosis, and they said it was bleak. Certificates of Gas Safety did not just grow on trees. And no, pointing out that technically they did, was not helping.

The problem was the huge flat grill, which some may remember from such heroic exploits as “Chicken Something or Other” or “us being inside the van and having photos taken”. As the grill had been modified to fit the van, it no longer complied with legislation, and it, along with almost all of the interior pipework, would have to go. Not only that but the traitorous cooker, which is probably best not remembered at all, and doesn’t even fit in the van, was never, ever, ever going to pass.

So the cooker didn’t fit, and the grill would have to go.
The grill would go, leaving a gap in the surface where once it had been.
The Gas People had a cooker, the grill had to go and there was a space in the van where the grill used to be…
…and now we have a cooker in it.

The Jabberwocky takes one step further towards feeding the Food Festival, now with a Gas Safety Certificate in one claw and a rather fetching engagement ring on the other. Which reminds me: In other news, Barny proposed. I am currently in one of the best moods a person can be in.

About Jabberwocky Soliloquy

The Jabberwocky drifts through space, collecting the most tasty things to eat. It brings them home and cooks them, humming about deliberate omissions and fortifying colours. As with all things it is, or should be, just happy to be here.
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3 Responses to A Master Class in Cooking on Gas

  1. IsseyQ says:

    Love the way you sneaked the last line in. You know. Just in case.

  2. Pingback: Being on the Radio, Darling | Jabberwocky Soliloquy

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